When it would be easier to just give up...

As the clock ticked away, they grew, changed and got taller.  I stayed the same size (at least in height!)  They've become much more opinionated about things that back when I last wrote, didn't matter:  music, hairstyles, the economy, our president, showering!

We're in the final eight weeks of their second year of high school.  This week is Spring Break and boy, have they had a break.  Overnight at friends, friends here overnight, hanging out with youth, air soft battles in the yard, complete with the garb!

 

Seeing them in their 'uniforms', shooting each other and Isaac wearing his gas mask serves to remind me of the war that they're in daily. 

One morning, when they were about six years old, maybe younger, God showed me how they were warriors.  His warriors.  The swords made from paper towel holders, the guns they'd shoot made from ANYTHING THEY HAD IN THEIR HANDS was preparation.

...and I HAD TO (have to) LET THEM FIGHT, HAD TO LET THEM ENGAGE, EVEN WHEN IT MEANT THAT ONE OF THEM WOULD MOST ASSUREDLY GET HURT ACCIDENTALLY (or not) BY THE OTHER ONE!

As their mom, I can encourage (which means to PUT courage in) them to fight the good fight of faith or I can very easily draw my weapons and become the enemy.  With words.  With my attitude...demanding them to perform quicker, "NOW", "BECAUSE I SAID SO", with no regard to the real war that is waging on the inside of them, the struggles they're battling, giving no thought about the enemy of their soul, bent on destroying our relationship.

Youth, whether twins or not, are engaged in a very real war.  They may not know it; I'm certain they don't.

Each day they're bombarded with ideas, screaming voices of their flesh, the devil and the world. 

What is my response to this onslaught?  Will I battle my own demons and conquer by His Word or will I succumb to the lie that it would be so much easier to just give up and live my own life?

Today was no exception. 

My heart's cry is to KNOW how to 'stir them up to love and good deeds' and not to constantly correct them.  So I cry out.  And cry more, sometimes with tears, sometimes in desperation, for answers. 

Because of a bad choice last week, they'd both been given a 'sentence' of dishes for two weeks: morning, noon and night.
I find it's so easy to nag, remind and get frustrated by their inconsistencies.  So, my prayer has been more for me and WHY I feel the need to be a 'dripping' reminder.

This morning, there were dishes in the sink.  The room was a mess and there was laundry that had been left dirty in the laundry room.  AND HE ASKED TO USE MY PHONE...

But rather than go on a rant about it, I spoke kindly, 'No, I can't do that,' and explained why.

I WAS KIND.  (Doesn't the Proverbs say something about kindness being able to break bones?  Proverbs 25:15...)

Perhaps I need to remind myself of this truth:  kindness and patience go hand in hand.

Over and over the Scriptures speak to this... 

"Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."  Col. 3:12

 "We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love."  2 Cor. 6:6

 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."  Galatians 5:22-23

The days when the 'rubbing' has worn my soul thin and I think that if they don't do what they're 'supposed to' on my terms and within such and such a time, those are the days when I know  I'm deep in the trenches and He wants ME to take back ground, aim bullets at the right target. 

But way too often, I take aim at them, there below the collar bone, that place where trust and distrust hang in the balance. 

Grace.

Mercy.

It's what awaits me each morning where sleep and awake collide.  I decide even before my eyes open whether I'll embrace the Truth, cling to what I KNOW IS TRUE, and fight the good fight of faith for myself.  Equip myself to engage in the battle, wearing each piece of armor, fitted just for me.

Young men in war need their mom's encouragement, cheering and most of all: her patience and kindness.



For tonight, they're decapitating zombies.  Tomorrow, by faith, they'll be destroying their enemy's fortresses, ever mindful that He has won every battle by the blood of His Son.

Never give up, mom.

We did it!

In two days, the boys will have completed ninth grade!  I couldn't be more grateful.  The co-op was just what the Father ordered.

Finally, after the first of this year, they decided to embrace their education because momma wasn't budging.  WE all needed the accountability, especially me.

I couldn't be more grateful for the wonderful teachers they had...moms whose kids were also in the co-op and were determined to give each child their best. 

God knew what was ahead for them.  He knew my mom would pass away on March 21st and that school would be a place of support, encouragement, and a place to go when it was just too difficult to be at home.

He knew my dad would move back to Buffalo, NY, and the house would be much quieter.

I never would have dreamed that they would LOVE Spanish, when, at the beginning of the year, they hated it!  But God!  He knew. 

He knew Caleb would decide to love English grammar and vocabulary...I didn't! 

I am so thrilled the year has come to an end...well, the co-op has, but Math, reading and typing hasn't!

This momma is excited to begin preparing to be the P.E. teacher for the entire school.  To teach photography again is sharpening my skills, as well.

Biology Fruit dissection

Flower dissection

 

Happy Tails brought some pretty cool animals one day...

Overall, it's been a fabulous year.  Lots of growing, stretching, crying, laughing, and a bunch of learning!

Life is good.

Sometimes life gets in the way of writing...

Who said twin little boys had the right to grow up, speak in deep voices and begin to tower over me? 

This school/life year has been an incredible journey.

The co-op we're a part of has stretched all of us and yet there's so much growing up to do.

We've had biology classes, debates, public speaking speeches to memorize and give before a bunch of adults in December and days of reading books that this mom has thoroughly enjoyed!

Together, we read:

C.S. Lewis' book, "Mere Christianity"
"The Deadliest Monster" by J.F. Baldwin
"Know Why You Believe" by Paul Little
"The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"
"Frankenstein"
"Know What You Believe"
"Assumptions" by Christian Overman
...and now we're waiting for "Never Before in History" by Gary Amos to arrive in the mail.  Thought I bought it, but must not have...

 

We only have four more weeks left!  It's hard to believe we (I) didn't give up.  I felt more stretched as I kept plugging away at encouraging, reminding, and occasionally threatening them to "complete your sheets of the week's work so I can sign them!"

 

I thought we'd drop out this coming year, but I am absolutely certain that they, as well as I, need the discipline, structure and accountability.  I am looking forward to next year already!

 

Praise God for moms that are committed to teaching their, as well as other's kids!  I have loved this year. 

 

I asked Caleb what one overall thing he learned this year.  His response:

 

"Life is hard, but school is harder."

 

Sigh.

 

One day, they will get it.  I am certain.

 

 

The First Day

After a year of praying, crying and waiting, God has not only answered my (our) prayers, but also given me a direction to go with these boys and an opportunity for me to teach what I love: sewing!  It's paying their tuition and it's giving me experience.
If someone had told me that I'd start teaching middle school girls sewing, I think I would have laughed.  But, here I am, sitting in a church typing this and waiting for my class to start in about twenty minutes.  I am so excited.  I have six girls and they each have their own machine. 
The boys are engaging in this venture, although Isaac is such a home body.  He commented on the way here this morning how he would rather just sit at home and do his books by himself, to which I reminded him he'll be doing that three days a week anyway, but that this gives us a chance to get out of the house.
Looking forward to what God has planned for us~!

We're entering the rapids

If someone had told me that my twin boys would ever want to be apart from each other, I would have laughed and said, "You don't know my boys!"  But, though they are boys and definitely share their life and their clothes, well mostly, they are changing and growing. 

Before our daughter and family came for the wedding, we arranged the 'Lego' room into a bedroom.  One night shortly before they came, I thought to myself, 'the Lego table is out of the bedroom so Caleb can breathe.  IF we moved the Lego table back into Isaac's room, Caleb could have his own room.' 

When I talked it over with Love, we decided we'd ask him if  he'd even be interested...he was delighted and thanked us!

Wouldn't you know, they are still together, but this small change has given them the chance to at least be alone, especially since Isaac's pineal gland has always functioned much better than Caleb's and he's up bright and early, swishing Legos around to build some new building or space ship!

They had a friend over for a couple of days and when I went in to say goodnite, all three were laying crossways on the bed, trying to all fit in a twin bed!  Hilarious.

Life is taking a dramatic turn and my heart is trusting in God, though my flesh cries out, 'God, if you don't help me, I'm doomed!'
We're dealing with body odor, greasy hair, pimples, wanting to listen to the 'rock' station, girls, reminding them they are loved and no matter what others think of them or how they're treated, they need to be themselves because God loves them just the way they are.

I keep reminding myself of all that Jesus did for me in my teen years.  How difficult my life was and how faithful He was. 

I read this today:

"Grace extends unrestrained fellowship to others in celebration of their inherent dignity as being made in God's image and as the objects of His affection.  Grace is at work in relationships when we are present for one another, accepting our mutual limitations and willing to exchange efforts to enhance one another's well-being.  It is only in intimacy that grace abounds."  Lead Like Jesus by Ken Blanchard & Phil Hodges

Though I may not 'enjoy' these changes, I am enjoying them.  It's exciting to see them taking on more challenges, wanting to be grown up as well as the victory when they 'see' what we're teaching them. 

I giggled last Friday night, when, after a conversation in the car, we had one of them come to our room to continue the talk.  He was tired, we were tired and he finally said, 'Mom, would you please forgive me for...being a teenager!'  He was seeing what we were saying, despite his exhaustion from serving at VBS all week, and just wanted to head to bed!

I'm slowly getting it.  They need space.  They need to be heard.  They need time to process my words...

Twins are the best.  Anyone that tells you otherwise has no idea what they're talking about!

Just, someone please pray for this mother to destroy all the 'buttons' they so cleverly push on a consisten basis, so I can continue laughing and giggling when I'd rather...never mind!

Week of changes

Well, first week back into the swing of school and things went very well.

One day, Isaac made the chicks a permanent new home so they'll stop jumping to the top of their box, perching and leaving messes on the tile for the boys to clean up!

Very intently working!

Then, on another day, I received information that I'd been waiting for in regard to next year's classes.  The boys will be doing a co-op with a 'school' and I'll be the administrative assistant!  It's a definite answer to my prayers for them and me.  It gets us out of the house twice, possibly two and a half days a week, they get to take courses like debate, theology, Biblical Worldview and be with other kids to sharpen their skills and I get to use my skills teaching photography and sewing (if they have a half day of electives).  The great part is that we only have to pay for one's tuition, not two and I will also be the school photographer and yearbook coorinator!  I am delighted to be heading in this direction and I know after the dust settles and we're in a routine, they will definitely benefit.

Thank you, Jesus.

We had a storm on Monday, so Jef, Caleb and I cuddled on our bed and Isaac grabbed my camera and snapped this one.  It was a sweet moment.

I took the boys to the doc's on Monday morning and since they both had ear infections, we headed to Walmart and to keep them entertained because they were 'starving' and wanted to go to McD's, but I said no, I gave them my camera to shoot 'ads'

...this is what they did...

Caught me off guard when we got home...I had no idea they shot this one!

This was when we were sitting waiting for the scripts...

Fun times with twinners!

Spring break is over...

...and what a week it was.  My sister came from NY with her hubby, so we did the customary, 'take family to Sea World' and on that day, the first real day of Spring break, there were over 29,000 people...sheer insanity! 

To top off the week of vacation for me, time I thought I might regroup, prepare for the last stretch of this school year, I got hit bigtime with flu-like symptoms and though I forged through at Sea World on Monday, it cost me the rest of the week...but everyday I would get up, spend time with Jesus, and start moving...I learned to keep moving forward, rejoice, focus on grace, His kindness, look for His gifts to me and the boys and just slow down.  I wrote about it one day, Wednesday, over here, turning my post that day into a story and in the midst of writing, realized I'd been given many gifts that day...

So, the boys told me several times this week it was the best vacation they've had in a long time...not too sure why since we didn't do much, but they did spend time with their aunt Kay and uncle Tim who took them to a movie, then to buy Legos and action figures! 

On Tuesday, although the entire family was going out, I opted to keep them home with me (which they were initially very angry with me about, but, needless to say, repented later on that day when they realized their day wouldn't have turned out the way it did if they'd have gone.)
To their delight, I took them first to the library to pick up books I'd ordered, then to the feed store to get chicken food and on our way into the store I asked them if they wanted to see if there were any chicks, and then they got excited...
There were two little chicks left and we agreed they could buy one because it was only $2.  When we took the chick to the counter, the man said if they wanted to have them both, he'd give them to the boys for free!  They looked at me, I smiled, they ran back and got the other one and then bought $1.60 worth of food just for them. 
Well, these darling little things have had to have their wings clipped already because they can jump on the top of the box...they love the sound of the boys' voices and when they hear them from the other room, they begin to chirp like crazy...
They named them A.J. for Awesome Juice and the other one Hawk Nelson...my concern is that we have two roosters...and that will not do.  Time will tell.

They had a friend come spend a couple days and I put them all to work in my garden of Eden pulling weeds to pay me for a giant Lego book Isaac wanted...it was a great motivator for them as well as for me.

So, tomorrow we begin anew and I am looking forward to walking in love, grace and patience with them.   That may sound funny to read, but the stirring that God has been doing in my heart has been nothing short of a miracle.  My eyes are opened and I see things differently.  

...and I know they are different, too.  They're responding to the love, patience and grace that fills them.  How thankful I am that His mercies are new every day.